Introduction
Let’s be honest—no leadership course truly prepares you for the moments when everything collapses at once. Projects disappear overnight. A personal crisis unfolds. Investments fail. Clients ghost you. And somehow, you’re expected to lead.
In those moments, leadership is no longer about vision decks or KPIs. It’s about keeping your brain—your executive brain—online.
I recently found myself in one of these situations. A 12-day war broke out in my country affecting my projects with my clients. A loved one faced a serious health issue. I was spending 4 to 6 hours a day at their side. At the same time, a few high-stakes investments went south. All of it happened in a matter of days.
I could’ve panicked. Part of me did.
But what saved me wasn’t grit. It wasn’t optimism.
It was a question.
Part I: When Chaos Hijacks the Brain
Leadership under pressure doesn’t fail because of weak willpower or lack of knowledge. It fails because of neuroscience.
When stress rises, the amygdala—our brain’s alarm system—goes into overdrive. This triggers what neuroscientists call an “amygdala hijack” (Goleman, 1995), a cascade that shuts down the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the part responsible for decision-making, emotional regulation, and strategic thinking.
In short: when you need your brain most, it goes offline.
The reptilian brain—focused on survival—takes over. Decisions made here are impulsive, binary (fight or flight), and often regrettable.
And the cruel irony? The more responsibility you carry as a leader, the higher the stakes, the easier it is to fall prey to this hijack.
Part II: Questions Reboot the Brain
What pulls you out of the hijack?
Not a mantra.
Not a deep breath (although it helps).
Not a motivational quote.
It’s a question.
The very act of asking yourself a question—even a clumsy one—activates the prefrontal cortex. It signals to the brain: “We’re switching from survival to strategy.”
Dr. David Rock, founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute, calls this the “Quiet Leader” mechanism. In his SCARF model, Rock emphasizes how certainty and control calm the brain’s threat response. Questions create a microdose of both—certainty (“I’m thinking this through”) and control (“I have a choice”).
Even if your question isn’t perfect, you’ve already succeeded. Because to ask it, you’ve re-engaged your executive brain.
In my own case, during that week of chaos, I asked:
“If things were to be over soon, and I would still be standing, what lesson would I have learned?”
That one question slowed everything down. It brought oxygen back to my thoughts. It didn’t solve my problems. But it saved me from making them worse.
Part III: Leadership as Mental Conditioning
Now, here’s the insight I gained and would like to share with you:
Asking the right questions under pressure isn’t luck. It’s training.
You don’t suddenly develop this skill when a crisis hits. You develop it by practicing during times of no or moderate stress. If you regularly ask questions that engage reflection, analysis, and empathy—both to yourself and your team—you’re building the neural pathway for calm, composed leadership.
Think of it like emotional weightlifting.
Every time you:
- ask a team member “What would you do differently next time?”
- pause to ask yourself “What part of this is actually in my control?”
- reflect with “What have I learned from similar moments in the past?”
…you are reinforcing the prefrontal cortex’s command over the stress system.
Frederike Fabritius, neuroscientist and author of The Leading Brain, explains that the optimal state of leadership is the “sweet spot” between challenge, focus, and joy. Reaching this sweet spot requires executive function. Questions are the doorway.
Real-Life Application: What I Learned from My Own Collapse
I don’t share my personal story for sympathy. I share it to demystify leadership.
On paper, I was supposed to be coaching others through chaos. But chaos doesn’t discriminate. It visits everyone eventually.
What made a difference wasn’t perfection. It wasn’t clarity or confidence.
It was curiosity.
That one question—“What will I have learned from this, if I survive it?”—did two things for me:
- It gave me perspective. Instead of drowning in the present, I mentally time-traveled to the future where I had already overcome the storm. From there, the present felt more manageable.
- It restored agency. Even if I couldn’t control external events, I could choose what meaning I attached to them.
That’s the secret. Leadership is not about control. It’s about meaning-making. And meaning can only be constructed when your brain isn’t in survival mode.
Try This: 5 Self-Questions to Practice When Things Are Calm
Build the habit now, so it serves you later.
- “What am I not seeing?”
(This question stimulates cognitive flexibility and reduces confirmation bias.) - “What would I advise a close friend to do in this situation?”
(This activates the prefrontal cortex through psychological distancing.) - “What’s one thing I can do today that will matter in a month?”
(Time perspective lowers stress and boosts long-term thinking.) - “Is this urgent, important, both, or neither?”
(Inspired by Eisenhower’s Matrix, helps re-prioritize rationally.) - “What is this situation here to teach me?”
(Shifts mindset from helplessness to growth.)
These are not magic bullets. But they are neural interrupts. They break the cycle of panic, and reboot the executive functions we need most as leaders.
Let’s keep the conversation going. What’s one question that has helped you stay grounded under pressure?
